The Time of My Life

New Blog Site

2009-08-21T13:36:00.001-07:00

I have moved my blog to my own personal website: moreypee.com

Go there for more fun and more updates!

Morey's Site

Hiking with the Family

2009-08-20T14:06:00.001-07:00

Hiking is the newest adventure we at the Miller house like to do each weekend. Often times it is Kevin and I and every other weekend we bring Trenton along with us. Most of this month has been busy and I have spent every weekend out in Graham visiting with family from out of town. Last weekend, my sister and her family, my mom and dad, and Brian and Andrada all came out to our house in Woodinville for dinner and a slumber party. My parents, Christi and the kids all left early on Sunday morning to go watch Dave in his Iron Man competition. Brian and Andrada decided to hang out with us and go on a short hike.

We decided to hike Twin Falls and show them the waterfalls. There is one part of the hike where you can go down by the water and climb on the rocks to get a really close view of the waterfall. The hike is only 2 miles and is a relatively short hike, compared to a few we have been on before. There are only a few areas that make you lose your breath up the hills, but it’s a great hike for kids and if you like waterfalls.

It is always fun to get out of the house and get a bit of a workout. We have gone on many hikes around the area and enjoy trying out new areas. A few weeks ago we went out to Cougar Mountain, the Licorice Fern trail. This was an interesting hike because the entrance is right next to someone’s house. There were barely any people on the hike because it is tricky to find. There are a few large hills, but nothing really difficult. Somewhere along the trail is a waterfall, but we failed to find it.

This weekend we have Trenton and who knows where we will end up?

Gone, but Never Forgotten

2009-08-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my Grandpa’s birthday and although he passed away in January, the family wanted to honor him one last time. He was cremated and my grandmother wanted his ashes spread up in the mountains at his favorite hunting spot. His four sons, including my father, and most of the cousins got together early on Saturday morning and made the long trek up to Mount Rainier. The road up to the hunting spot was gravel and bumpy with many pot holes, we took four large trucks and no small cars would have made it. The road was one way and very narrow with huge drop-offs on one side. I’m glad I wasn’t driving, I would have freaked out.

Anyway, we all made it safely up to the hunting spot and no one really knew what to do next. The uncles talked about the old days when grandpa and grandpa great would take them all and hike up this mountain to hunt for a few hours. Back then, the road wasn’t there and the hike up took about 6 hours. My Uncle Gary, the eldest son, decided on a spot to spread the ashes and he dumped Grandpa out after saying a few words. The ceremony was poorly planned and I would have liked to have said a few words myself, but Grandpa still would have liked it.

Saying good-bye has not been easy and I miss him with each passing day. I find it hard to visit Grandma sometimes knowing Grandpa isn’t going to be sitting in his chair, pretending to ignore everyone. He wasn’t the most social man I’ve ever known, and ever since his stroke in 2003 he spoke even less. I thought for sure he would outlive everyone in the family and it is strange that he is gone. Sometimes, I think he is just at the hospital or somewhere else and I just keep missing him. Other times, I remember he is gone and it hurts my heart.

I can remember when I was younger; we would always avoid Grandpa. He seemed to be so gruff all the time. He would come home from work and we would run to play upstairs or outside. Even if we had been playing in the living room all day, when Grandpa came home, we vacated his chair and left the room. He wanted to eat his dinner and watch the news. As I grew older, I grew less and less afraid of him. Grandpa never hurt anyone or yelled at us, he was just a rougher type of man who never quite knew how to express emotions.

I guess it was when my family moved in with Grandma and Grandpa that things changed. I was a sophomore in high school and we were having a house built. The house we lived in sold faster than expected and we were left with no choice but to move in with the grandparents. Things were awkward at first, but it was the best experience of my life. I developed a bond with both my grandparents that I didn’t have before. I started talking to Grandpa and asking him questions and always greeting him.

That relationship lasted through the rest of his years. I never stopped saying “hi” when I saw Grandpa. I would hug him, whether he wanted me to or not. I would say “good-bye” when I left. Though, I am no longer 16 years old. The years have passed far too quickly and now I can no longer say “hello” or “good-bye” to him or force hugs upon him. I miss him, but his memory will forever live on. Rest in Peace Grandpa, until we meet again.

Losing My Faith

2009-07-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

I have recently lost faith in the justice and legal system of the State of Washington, and I’m sure it is no better anywhere else. In the past year, I have watched a father fight for his child’s happiness only to be defeated by the system put in place to protect his rights. I have watched as the light in a 13 year-old boy’s eyes has slowly grown dim. I have cried for the pain both father and son have felt, because a mother can do whatever she wants without a second thought to her child. I have watched as the love of a father is pitted against a mother who fights simply for control and wins.

Being a parent can’t always be easy, what do I know I don’t have kids. However, I have watched many amazing dads out there spend hours with their children and sacrifice their own happiness for their child. I have also heard the stories and seen the affects of fathers who could care less, who have a number of kids out there who don’t even know what he looks like. I have seen mothers who give love unconditionally to their children and I have seen mothers who look at each kid as a paycheck. Whether it’s a child support check or a welfare check, that child is nothing more to them then a way to get money. I have also seen mothers and fathers use their children as pawns in their game of revenge and hate for each other.

Enter the court system. They claim to do “what is in the best interest of the child”, yet they never ask the child anything. A 13-year-old can get an abortion without the consent of his or her parent; however, they are not responsible enough to say what they want or who they want to live with.

There are many fathers out there who are “dead-beats”, but for each one of those, I have met an amazing dad. My father, my cousins, and my friends are all amazing fathers. I have also witnessed the ugliest custody battle I have ever seen and I hope to God above I never see one again. I see a child who is stuck in the middle, hopeless, helpless, and slowly losing the joy in his life. More and more time is being taken away from him and his father and it breaks my heart. Now a threat looms of no visitation or communication for six months. Really? What is this going to accomplish, besides a devastated, heartbroken child? Is this really what is “in the best interest of the child”? Cause I don’t see it.

This is a mother who hates the child’s father so much she is willing to destroy her own child to get back at his father. She doesn’t care what her child wants or needs; she cares about control and getting back at a man where hurts him the most. I have one last ounce of hope the judicial system will do the right thing and see through the lies and hate and into the eyes of a child who simply wishes for time with his dad.

Busy As A Bee!

2009-06-24T22:44:00.001-07:00

It has been quite some time since I last blogged, but in my defense I have been a very busy girl. As previously noted, I quit my job at Alternative Counseling to concentrate on my writing. I have been extremely busy with writing projects for most of the month. I feel like I am really getting the hang of this writing thing and it’s great for the confidence.

Besides writing projects, I have a huge list of things to do around the house. Being that it is summer, most of my home improvement projects consist of yard work. The yard has been neglected for a little over a year, so I am working to make it look pretty. I started the process around the end of May and realized I started a little late in the season, at least with the planting process. These past few days I have been out in the yard every day trying to make it look good. We are having a big bonfire/BBQ/B-day shindig for Kevin, Michael, Martin, and Phil this weekend. Since the party will mostly be outside, I have been motivated to clean up the yard so it looks really great.

Here are some before and after pictures of all the work I have been doing this week. I’m still amazed when I look at the pictures, the changes that some simple weeding will do.

And finally....if you weed it and prune it.....

Things will grow...

Rattlesnake Ridge Hike

2009-05-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

It’s getting nice outside and the urge to be one with nature is strong. I’m not one of those girls who likes to lay out in the sun doing nothing. I’m becoming more and more adventurous and looking to get out and be more active. If nothing else a good hike feels good, whether you feel beat up at the end or not.

Last weekend, May 9th, Kevin, Phil (our newest roommate), and I went on a day hike to Rattlesnake Ridge. We got off to a late start due to other work conflicts and stuff in the morning. I packed us up some lunch, sandwiches, apples, carrots, and almonds. Then we took off, arriving at the trail about 1pm.

The hike was pretty nice, the first half hour or so is relatively easy, just a slight incline with plenty of flat ground to recharge. As we got closer to the top, the incline increased rapidly and I found myself huffing and puffing a bit. Keep in mind that I am out of shape, which is part of the reason for hiking in the first place.

After struggling for the second half of the hike, we made it to the top. I might have been the only one really struggling, but I powered through it and made it to the top.

The view was absolutely gorgeous from the top. I got as close to the edge as I could without freaking out, I have a small fear of heights.

The hike was good for me. Once we got to the top, I had such a great feeling of accomplishment and it felt really good.

Lunch with Grandma

2009-05-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

I quit my job for a number of reasons:
1) I was getting bored
2) I wanted to become a writer
3) I wanted to devote more time to projects around the house
Most Importantly
4) I wanted to spend more time with my family.

In November, I packed up my life in Puyallup and moved to Woodinville. My family is in Puyallup and my new life is in Woodinville. They are about a 90 minute drive from one another. Why is this important? My family is important and taking the time to drive 90 minutes is a time consuming process. Add in a full time job, chores around the house, and spending time with your boyfriend and there is little to no time to make that drive.

In January, my grandfather passed away and I knew that I needed to make my grandmother a priory. She is my last living grandparent and I want to cherish the time I have with her. My grandma is a pretty amazing woman. She just turned 83, but doesn’t seem a day past 60. She is healthy, for the most part, and doesn’t need a cane, walker, or wheelchair. She doesn’t walk as fast as she used to, and has always had issues with her feet. She is still pretty active and seems to always be on the go.

She wants to come up to Woodinville to see where I live and visit. I think that would be a blast. Spending a few days with grandma, who could ask for more? She is one of my biggest inspirations. She used to read to me all the time when I was younger, and loved to sit next to her and listen to the stories over and over again. I have always loved books and reading, and thank her for that. She introduced me to my favorite author Mary Higgins Clark by lending me “All Around the Town” and, my personal favorite, “Weep No More My Lady.”

Once I read those two books, I set aside my Judy Blume books and the “Babysitter’s Club” series and turned to mystery and suspense. Now, I am in the process of writing my own mystery novel…all thanks to my wonderful grandmother.

She is also a great inspiration because she is a breast cancer survivor. Through all she has been through, I have never heard her complain. She takes the twists and turns life throws at her and overcomes them. Not only that, she still has many more things she wants to do. Travel and the love for the ocean are two more things I have inherited from my grandma.

As my first steps in spending more time with my family, I took grandma out for Chinese for her birthday. We had a great time. She was really busy that week, her sister was in town from the East Coast, so we didn’t get to spend as much time together as I would have liked. However, I plan on going out there next week and spending some good quality time with her.

I look forward to the time I will spend with my grandmother and the rest of my amazing family.

Grandma and her 11 grandchildren

My Last Week

2009-05-13T22:16:00.000-07:00

If it hasn’t become clear yet, I love projects. I love taking ordinary, or ugly, things and making them pretty. Kevin’s house needs a lot of work done to it, because he is really busy and the house is from the late 70s. Actually, the house is as old as I am, both built in 1977. The original owners decided it would be cool to have every piece of wood in the house an ugly “smoker yellow” color. We’re talking every door, closet door, drawer, and cabinet this dingy color.

A few months ago, Kevin and I painted all the doors and drawers in the kitchen white. The color really brightened up the room and I actually like being in there now.

My project over the last week was the dining room/bar. The dining room is basically done; the walls are a nice shade of brown, with a dark brown accent wall. However, the bar area needed some major work. There was that ugly yellowish color all over the doors.

Kevin and I decided we wanted something dark to go with the theme of the room. We went to an actual paint store and talked to a professional. We decided on a cherry stain, but didn’t want to do all the work. We were recommended an awesome paint, which was more of a gel, that would cover anything and look like a stain. The paint took about 8 hours to dry. I did one coat per day to ensure it would dry completely without smudges.

The finished product is absolutely amazing, I love it. Kevin loves it. The roommates love it. I feel really good about this project and I look forward to doing many more. With this house, there are a lot more areas to paint and transform and with this girl it will get done.

Doesn't that just look so much better?

Projects!

2009-04-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

As nervous as I am about being jobless, I am excited for all the projects I can finally get done with all my extra time. I have made myself a daily schedule so that I accomplish writing projects as well as other projects around the house. Also, a schedule will keep me responsible and keep me from sitting on the couch day in and day out gaining weight and accomplishing nothing.

At this time, my home projects outweigh my writing projects and I have spent most of my first week jobless working around the house. Monday, I drove down to Portland to check out Kara’s new place and help her move some stuff from her storage unit into the new place. Her place is in a cute triplex, with two bedrooms, one car garage, and small backyard perfect for her and her roommate. Tuesday, I continued helping her move some stuff, hit up Kohl’s (for a great t-shirt sale), and then drove home to WA. I decided to stop at my parent’s house on Tuesday night, spend the night, and take Grandma out to lunch on Wednesday. I got to Graham early enough to go visit grandma on Tuesday night, turns out she had bible study on Wed. and would not be able to go to lunch. I visited with her for about two hours, we had some great conversations and it was nice to be able to chat with her.

It made me realize how much I really miss my family and how much time I need to spend with them, no regrets right? I invited Grandma over to the Rents house for breakfast on Wednesday morning which was nice to continue visiting with her. Thursday I spent some time with Kevin, which was good for us.

Before:

After:

Friday I began some projects I have been meaning to get to. A few months ago, we painted all the cabinets in the kitchen and the walls in the kitchen. I have been meaning to paint the pocket door, which leads to the dining room, and the trim around it and the kitchen ceiling area. There are a few areas on the wall I have been meaning to fix to that have either been smudged or painted with the wrong color. Friday I was able to bust out the painting gear and tackle those projects, and the room looks much better.

I was also able to clean out the refrigerator. Not only was there too much old or unused food items, the shelves were dirty and sticky and gross. It was awesome to be able to get projects done and finally crossed off my list. I look forward to crossing even more things off my list, and blogging about them.

Before:

After:

Next week, Kevin and I are going to North Carolina for Kevin’s work. I will be doing a lot more writing next week and then back to projects around the house again. I think everyone should take a week off work to just stay home and tackle those things on their lists that never seem to get done. Luckily, I’m not going back anytime soon.

End of an Era

2009-04-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

April 18, 2009 marked my final day at Alternative Counseling. It was bittersweet ending to a yearlong job. I spent my last week a little differently than I had imagined. I wanted to do a bunch of things to make sure everyone would be okay without me, I know a bit conceited but I did a lot of minuscule mundane things every day. Instead, I spend a few days out sick with the flu. Let me lay out the week for you (those who even care). Monday, I had the day off so I cleaned the house. Tuesday, I went to work had some great groups (Tuesday groups were my favorite). Wednesday, I woke up sick and spent the day on the couch. Thursday, I woke up (TMI alert) puking out both ends. Friday, I felt a lot better so I went back to work. Saturday, was my last day and I went in for the last time.

Friday, when I finally made it back into work, I was thrown a not-so-surprise going away party. It was fun and I barely did anything all day. The boss brought in a ton of food, including some smoked salmon that he cooked up the night before. I told him to bring in a bunch of fruits and vegetables since junk food made me a bit queasy. I got an awesome bouquet of flowers from the boss, featuring a few of my favorites. I felt as if I really would be missed and I felt a little tug on my heartstrings with the goodbyes I received.

Saturday was an amazing day at work, and probably the most fun I have had in a long time, thanks to my Saturday morning crazy group. We laughed and joked and teased each other all through the group process, which lasted almost the full two hours. I gave a fun speech thanking everyone for helping me make my time as their counselor a great learning experience. I wished them all well and gave them my support through the rest of the counseling process. I never laughed so hard as I did with that group.

I was excited to leave, but sad at the same time. I learned a lot during my time there about life, laws, people in general, how to communicate more effectively, and most importantly I learned a lot about myself. I felt good leaving though, as if I was moving in the right direction. I was scared and nervous, but I know I am doing the right thing and I look forward to what the future holds for me.

Vegas: The Final Chapter

2009-04-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

On our last day in Vegas, Kevin and I went out to Lake Las Vegas for some fun in the sun. It is one of Kevin’s favorite places to go and I had never been. We perused the Ritz Carlton and talked about how we needed to stay there next time we flew down. We journeyed along the Lake and walked together hand in hand (I was feeling mushy there for a minute). We checked out the casino, signed up for their player’s club card, and earned $5 in free slot play. Neither of us won very big that day. We continued our journey, checked out a few other Hotels along the lake.

Then, we saw these fliers for condos for sale for way cheap. Some of these places were $600,000, but the prices had dropped down to $150,000, which was a steal. We decided to drive around and look for some open houses, or just see what was out there. We only caught the tail end of one condo viewing so we checked it out, it was pretty spectacular. We discussed the pros and cons of having a condo out in Lake Las Vegas and if it would even be worth it. It probably won’t happen, but it’s one of those things that is great to talk about the “what ifs.”

After looking at way too expensive condos, we headed back to the Ritz Carlton area for some Gelato. We strolled along the water while we eat our tasty treats. There was a rental stand where you can rent paddle boats or motor boats and tour the Lake. Next time we are down there with Trenton that is something we really want to do.

I noticed there were fish in the water and I wanted to try to catch one. After much thought and consideration, I decided my Gelato would make some great bait and when they come close to the surface I would simply grab one. Sounded like a pretty awesome idea at that time. Kevin told me he would give me $1,000 if I caught a fish with my bare hands. Challenge accepted, was my response. I lay out on rocks, got some Gelato on my spoon, and stuck it in the water waiting for the fish to respond. A few venture close, but they were too far under the water. After a few minutes, the Gelato melted and I got bored. Kevin took pictures and was highly amused by my efforts.

After that, we headed on home where I took an awesome nap before heading out to another of Kevin’s friends’ home. We had an awesome feast of a dinner which consisted of chicken, steak, corn on the cob, melt-in-your-mouth cornbread, salad, chips, and strawberry shortcake for dessert.

Great trip, great people, great memories, and great guy. Who could ask for anything more?

Vegas Part 2

2009-04-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

Our Vegas trip is long over, but I finally have some time to write about it. We had a great time. I already wrote about our first night, so lets move on.

Our second night in Vegas, I really wanted In N Out burger. I knew there was one up the street from the strip a bit on Tropicana. We took the monorail up to the MGM, which was in and off itself an adventure, thanks to my Kev. We walked from our hotel over to the monorail. Kev was trying to be the great gentleman that he is and attempted to move a sign out of my way. Somehow, he grabbed the sign wrong and sliced his finger causing blood to spurt out of the wound. We didn’t have anything with us to wrap it in, so he cupped his palm to catch the dripping blood. By the time we made it up the escalator, his entire hand was covered in blood and that was dripping down his arm. It was really quite gross, I gave him a ticket I found on the ground to wrap his finger in until we could find a bathroom. I don’t know how the boy does it, but he always seems to get himself into these situations.

Back to the In N Out Burger story…So, we made it to MGM, Kevin cleaned up his hand, and we crossed over to New York New York. As we started up Tropicana, we realized the road was going to run out and there was no possible way to get to In N Out Burger by walking. I was extremely disappointed, but what could we do. We ended up walking in and out of various casinos trying to decide what to eat. We spent some time in MGM where I got in a fight but lost.

Of all places we ended up at Denny’s. It was the least crowed and least noisy. After we finally ate, we walked all the way back to our hotel. Over the course of the evening we walked practically the entire length of the strip. Once back at the hotel, we decided to go soak in the hot tub. As soon as we got into the hot tub, the wind started kicking up (there was a huge windstorm the next day). After a few minutes of soaking and trying to avoid dirt in the eyes, we called it a night and headed to bed.

The trip was great and full of fun adventures. Life with Kevin is always an adventure and there is never a dull moment. I’m glad we both can look back at things and say “that was pretty fun”, instead of focusing on the negative. We laugh about it and say “this will be a great blog post.”

On a side note: I went to my favorite slot machine location (Slots-O-Fun)with the intention of spending some money on my favorite slot machine the Let's Make a Deal slot. Much to my great sadness, they no longer had the machines. I found a Monopoly game and won some money, but it turned out it was a penny slot, so I only won about $2. I gambled $5 all together and lost big.

Vegas, baby!

2009-04-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

This week Kevin and I are in Las Vegas, my home once upon a time. I lived here 2001-2004; I had some of the best times and some of my lowest points in this city. I had no idea how much I really missed it here. The city itself is so full of wonder and mystery and holds many memories for me.

The flight in was long, we had a layover in San Francisco, and I got a little bit of work done on the flight. Once we landed in the city, I got this huge grin on my face and I couldn’t stop smiling all the way through the airport. Kevin kept looking at me and telling me how happy I looked, and all I could say was “wow, wow.” Walking outside the airport alone set off all kinds of thoughts and emotions off. We were picked up by a good friend of Kevin’s and went out to eat with his family. Our first night, we stayed at the Riviera ($30 a night special), the room was not fancy, as the hotel is not fancy. They charge a $3 service charge to turn on power in your room, what? I remember going to that casino a few times in my days here, not often, but enough to remember my way around. It was an interesting stay and we were both glad it was just for one night.

Wednesday morning, we pack our bags and walked across the convention center parking lot to the Marriott Suites where we would be staying for the remainder of our trip. This is quite a step up, if you ask me. Separate living and sleeping area; pull out couch, two tvs, very fancy. We checked in and then Kevin had to go to work, at the Convention Center running a booth there for his company. I had this huge room to myself and I sat in it all day, working on a large writing project. I got most of it done by the time Kevin got home. We were both in the mood for a buffet (its Vegas and the rock). We decided to walk the strip and check out some of the newer hotels, and there are a lot. We walked halfway down the strip until we came to the casino formerly known as the Aladdin, now known as Planet Hollywood or PH. Then we pigged out in the buffet, which was decent but not spectacular. We continued our trek along the strip by cruising through the Bellagio and Forum shops before heading home.

My Plate

Kevin's Plate

We stopped and watched the fountains at the Bellagio and as I looked around I teared up a little bit. At that moment, I realized just how much I missed this place. The lights, the warmth, the people, all of it just came back to me. I grew up a lot here; actually I would say that I grew up the most here. I learned a lot about myself, and this place had the biggest influence in making me the person I am today. I cried the hardest here, and I struggled the most here. I would not be the person I am today if it were not for Las Vegas. It is good to be back; I will really enjoy this trip and be sad to leave this place once again.

Latest Update

2009-03-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

Many things have changed in my life over the past few weeks, mostly good. I finally got up the nerve to quit my job. I was extremely unhappy there for many reasons and it was no longer fulfilling or rewarding for me. Being a counselor is a tough job, there are good days and there are bad days. There are many disappointments because you start to care about your clients and when they relapse it is hard to not take fault in it; not to feel like you missed something or didn’t do everything you could. Of course, this is not the case, everyone has a free will and will make their own choices in life and no one can stop them.

I learned a lot about many things, myself included. It is always good to look back at a job and find the good things you learned, and how you grew as a person over the time you were there. Over the years, I have had many jobs ranging from childcare to counseling and everywhere in between. I am usually excited when I get a new job and work hard to learn every aspect of the job, but once I have learned everything I begin to become bored as if the challenge is gone. I have had 16 jobs since in the last 15 years, which breaks down to about a job a year. That is how quick and easy it can be to bore me.

My current job, as a drug and alcohol counselor, has probably taught me the most about myself out of all my jobs. I have had a good run with them and my boss has always been great and giving me the space and opportunity to grow as a person. I will always be grateful for the chance they took on me; a girl with some college courses but no real experience. Looking back, it is amazing to see my own growth. I remember how timid and shy I was when I first started out, a year ago. Now, I am more assertive and am able to take control of a group (anywhere from 2 to 20 people) and have even earned the respect of many. It’s a good feeling, a feeling of accomplishment and pride in myself. It will be sad to leave, but change is good and moving on to the next best thing is also good.

As of the first (or second) week of May, I will be doing what I have always dreamed of doing since I was a little girl, writing. I remember, even as a child, having an amazing imagination. I would make up all kinds of games to play with the neighbors, or stories I would act out alone, putting myself as the main character and creating a whole new world around myself. I have been writing since I was in grade school, most of those stories I don’t have any longer, but I still picture myself sitting in my room writing stories.

I look forward to this new chapter in my life. I am doing a lot of freelance work and making decent money. My hope is that by leaving my full time job, I will be able to take on even more freelance work and have time to finish writing a novel. With 16 jobs in my past, I have many stories and experiences to share and/or turn into entertaining works of fiction. I also hope to devote more time to my blog and keeping everyone, who reads, updated on the latest events in my life.

Flower Girl

2009-03-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

Kevin is a great guy and I don’t have enough blog posts which brag about him. He does the sweetest things for me all the time; anything from making sure I have dinner when I get home to leaving little notes in places he knows I will look. I am often surprised by his gestures of love. One of the things he has done for me since we started dated is buy me flowers. I never thought I was the type of girl who enjoyed flowers, but it’s a pleasant surprise when I come home from work to find flowers in my sink. He puts the bouquet in my sink, and then I put them in a vase and cut them if need be. Here are the bouquets I have been given.

First set of flowers, 9-25-08

October 18, 2008

My mom is stopping to smell the flowers, November 2, 2008

December 27, 2008

Valentine's Day 2009

March 5,2009
I also have what we refer to as the Flower Graveyard. It is the spot right out the front door, where I throw my flowers once they die. Seems a waste to throw them in the trash and who knows maybe someday I will have a variety of flowers growing in the burial grounds.

Allergic Reaction

2009-03-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have noticed some problems with my health; mainly I think I’m low on Iron. I get random dizzy spells and light-headedness and have dark circles under my eyes. Instead of going to the Doctor and letting them figure it out, I decided to try to pump up the Iron in my blood on my own. It is a problem when you don’t have health insurance, it makes you take matters into your own hands and try to “fix” yourself. So, I went out and bought some Iron pills and Vitamin C pills, the C pills help the Iron get absorbed into the bloodstream. I took one pill everyday for about a week. On Sunday night, I started to feel itchy all over, which isn’t that strange for me I have had a lot of problems with my skin in the past few years and have some form of Eczema. Monday night the itching was worse and by Tuesday I started to notice a rash on my arms. Wednesday, I figured out that the itching always got worse at night or shortly after I took my Iron pills. I noticed hives all over my body; arms, legs, shoulders, chest, its ugly. My co-worker looked up Iron pills online and the first thing it says is “seek medical attention immediately if you experience an allergic reaction such as a rash or hives…” Super! I have not sought medical attention, back to the no insurance thing again. I figure I will have to pay a couple hundred dollars for them to tell me to stop taking Iron and take some Benadryl. I have stopped taking the Iron and have been taking Benadryl on and off for the last few days. Kevin spoke to one of his Doctor friends and a nurse friend; they both told me to take Benadryl and in about a week the Iron will be out of the system and the hives will go away. Here are some disgusting pictures of the hives on my body:

As a side note, if you take Benadryl and then drink alcohol the effects are so much greater. I drank a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and took Benadryl; boy did I have a nice buzz. As an alcohol and drug counselor, I would recommend you do not mix these two things and drive…bad.

Retail Therapy

2009-02-19T20:58:00.000-08:00

I had the day off today. I was woken up early (8am) because my sweet Kevin wanted McDonald’s for breakfast and didn’t want to go alone. I reluctantly got up and we got ourselves some good Sausage McMuffins (no egg). We came back home, ate our food, and watched some TV. After a bit, Kevin had to do some work, since he was working from home. I was feeling a bit restless and claustrophobic and couldn’t bare the thought of sitting in front of the TV my entire day off; so I left to do some retail therapy.

I was going to drive out to Factoria Mall, but realized it was about 20-30 mins away. I choose to go to Redmond Towne Center instead, since I had never been there. I wasn’t impressed at all. All the stores are outside, as opposed instead like at a mall, but that wasn’t the annoying part, it would be very nice to walk around if it was warm out. The selection of stores was pretty pathetic; I went to Macy’s and PacSun, that’s all that entertained me. There was a lot of stuff on sale at Macy’s, but nothing that caught my attention. I gave up on the Towne center and went over to the two stores that never let me down: Kohl’s and Target. Kohl’s was having some amazing sales and I even, gasp, tried on some dresses. Here is one of the dresses I really liked on me. Please excuse the socks, buts it is a dressing room and no one would stand on that floor barefoot.

I also found a really cute skirt, but I ended up leaving empty handed. I went to Target and just walked around looking at stuff. I ended up buying a few things, but nothing exciting just the normal toiletries.

After Target, I needed to get a haircut. I don’t think I have had a haircut in over six months and it was time. Not only did I have lots of split ends, but the length was annoying me. I went into Great Clips and all the ladies were Asian (nothing against Asian’s I promise). I didn’t have a good feeling when I went in, but I was too lazy to drive somewhere else. When it was finally my turn, the lady who cut my hair barely spoke English. It was hard to understand her and I’m sure she had no idea what I said. I told her I wanted my hair chopped with layers, the longest layers falling right below my chin. She kept saying “one inch? One inch?” so finally I just said “sure”. She did understand layers though and the haircut did turn out okay; however, it is not as short as I would have liked. I figure I will wait a few weeks and then go somewhere else and get it cut shorter. If I go see my parents this weekend I might be able to talk my mom into doing it for me. I was pretty disappointed with the way the hair turned out. My mood was a little better after my shopping, but then the hair thing brought me back down again. Stupid, it doesn’t look bad but I have to go somewhere else now and pay more money to get it done the way I want. If she had spoken better English I would have asked her to make it shorter, but I just don’t think she understood me.

And the Beat Goes On...

2009-02-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

Life is a funny thing. We live, we struggle, we feel, we fight, we love, we lose love, we give up, we find happiness, and then we do it all over again. Sometimes life hits you strong and hard and all I really want to do is hide under the covers and sleep it all out. I feel myself falling into a depression, and I cycle through this over and over. I’m not sure if it is hormones or what, but I repeatedly find myself heading toward the depression side of life. The good news is that I see the signs of it coming on when it does and I wallow in it for a few days and then force myself out of it. Too many things are going on right, and too many things are out of my control.

As a counselor, I am always teaching people that there are events which will always be out of your control and you are only in control of your reactions. You cannot control every event in your life, and you cannot control other people, only yourself. I teach that each person is responsible for their own feelings and their own happiness and if they don’t like how they feel, they alone have the power to change it. It seems at times I am not able to practice what I preach. I agree that it is hard at times to pull yourself out of your funk, but you are the only one who can pull yourself out.

I digress, as usual, back to me and my funk. The signs I usually get are as follows: constant tiredness regardless of how much sleep I get; junk food munchies; lack of motivation; and anti-social behavior. The biggest thing for me is the desire to be alone. I get restless sitting at home on the couch and I just want to get out and blend in with the crowd for awhile. It goes along with the old saying “be alone amongst a thousand people”, or however it goes. I don’t want to socialize or talk to people, but just get lost in the crowd and basically be left alone.

I don’t know what really brings this on. Currently, I am discouraged by my job and want to quit; however, I need the money for survival. I want to concentrate more on my writings, but in the last few weeks I have found very little writing gigs and haven’t written to my blog or anything. This makes me believe I am not cut out to be a writer because I am not motivated enough to do so. I feel like there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish all the things I want to do, so I just do nothing. I fear that by quitting my job, I will not accomplish my goals of being a writer. I hope that I will be more motivated and more disciplined, but I fear I will not be. All that said, it all irritates me to no end. Yes, I irritate myself and make myself cranky and depressed. I suppose it is up to me to change it, easier said than done though.

It is tough when you go through struggles and depression and the people around you are going through the same thing. It brings about a more helpless situation, because you are unable to give anything to the people you care most about and you are unable to get anything from them as well. It seems like we are all carrying our own burdens alone, and I don’t like that either.

I suppose I should just figure out some sort of schedule for myself and stick to it. Make myself blog daily, write a few pages in my book, look for writing jobs, write blogs for different sites, and stick to the schedule I make. If I do a little each day, I will at least feel like I am accomplishing something and maybe that will pull me out of this funk I am falling into.

V-Day Comes Early

2009-02-11T21:31:00.001-08:00

V-day is coming faster than we can say “Money, Shopping, Diamonds!” I like to think I’m not like normal females who buy into this ‘special’ day, where the more money spent equals how much you love me. I would rather have someone love me every day and show me in his own special way as often as possible. I’m not much of jewelry loving materialistic girl either, so diamonds and shiny prizes aren’t going to do much for me. As an early valentine’s day present, Kevin bought me the following things.

I have a man who knows what I like and pays attention to keep up. The occasional surprise of flowers in my bathroom sink (that’s where he leaves them for me to find), mustard (cause I put it on almost everything), Ranch (cause that goes on everything else), and M&M’s (cause its chocolate). Yes, I can honestly say my man knows me and he knows how to make me happy, mostly without even trying. I can’t believe I am so lucky to have found such a fantastic man. All the money and possessions in the world couldn’t even come close to causing me such complete joy and happiness as Kevin does. I love that man and I know without a doubt that he truly loves me too.

Not for the Weak of Stomach

2009-02-09T23:23:00.000-08:00

I have been a bit gassy lately and food seems to not be a friend of mine. I made a decision to try cleaning out my system to see if that did the trick. I talked to Kevin who informed me of a Salt-Water cleanse, which will make you poop a lot but cleans everything out. It is the least expensive and easiest procedure, and I would rather drink something than flush water up my bum (enema anyone?). Anyway, I took 2 teaspoons of unionized salt, or Kosher salt in my case (by the way it was suppose to be 2 tablespoons), put it in a small water bottle and then filled it up with warm water. Then, I drank it down, yummy…no not really. Tastes as bad as it sounds, and the trick is to keep it from coming back up. For some reason, it wasn’t difficult to drink (maybe because I didn’t have enough salt in there), so I finished it all up. Then, you wait around for about 30-60 minutes before the fun really starts. I put a scented candle in the bathroom and some magazines to read, for the fallout and then did some chores around the house while I waited. Sure enough about 50 minutes later, I felt a rumbling sensation in my intestines and actually started to get excited (I know I’m strange). I went to the bathroom and after about 10 minutes, was strangely disappointed at the lack of “stuff” coming out. I was hoping for pounds of waste to come out so that I would lose 5 pounds or something. I took a few trips to the bathroom, all with the same result. There was no huge cleansing, not big relief, I didn’t feel lighter, and in fact I gained a pound when all was said and done. I was under the impression that a Salt-water cleanse cleans out the bowels and intestines, but this was not the case with me.

I told Kevin of my disappointment and that was when I realized I did not use enough salt. Will I try it again later this week? Of course, I need an exciting tale to blog about after all. I wasn’t feeling to good most of the day anyway, due to an all-night Migraine, so after my depressing non-poop fest, I took a nap.

Kevin came home and began typing up some court documents, so I continued to sleep. Once, I got up, I decided I should try to lose weight the old fashion way…working out. I drank some water and then headed down to the gym for some treadmill action. As I was walking on the treadmill, Kevin came in and lifted some weights. Then, we decided to go in our new Sauna. I am starting to really enjoy that thing. I love that you go in and you are all cold (cause you are naked, or mostly naked) but when you come out you are drenched with sweat. Below is a picture of my sweaty, glistening Kevin as we are getting out. He tried to get my back, which just drips sweat like its running out of my body, but the camera kept fogging up in the box. It feels really good to sweat out all the toxins and stuff in your body, plus it’s the equivalent to burning about 300 calories in a 30 minute sitting.

Now, I am just praying for snow to continue falling outside, anything to get out of work really.

Writing for Profit

2009-02-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

In the last few months, I have been wanted to work on my writing skills with the hopes of eventually moving into some sort of freelance writing career. I have realized that the counseling field is not quite doing it for me. There is too much paperwork, too many rules and regulations, too little results, and not enough time in the day to do it all. I have found I am becoming bored and restless, come on it is been almost a year in the same job.

Anyway, after talking things over with Kevin and explaining my thoughts on the matter, he expressed his unfailing support for whichever path I choose. We came to the conclusion that as long as I paid off my car and other large bills, I could quit my job and concentrate on the writing biz for awhile. While most people would jump at the opportunity of being taken care of, independent Michelle has a small problem with that. I can’t rely on other people to take care of me financially, when I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Besides, the little voice inside of me which fears failure started screaming in my head that it would be a waste of his time and money if I found out I couldn’t write after all. I am a harsh critic on myself, but I think I can write in a semi-entertaining fashion.

Two paragraphs later, I get to my point. Kevin introduced me to an amazing site where I could get some practice with writing and get paid. The site is www.rentacoder.com, and it has been an amazing ride for me. I joined the site at the end of December 2008, and received my first payment today, $220.00. Not to shabby if you ask me. I have completed 9 projects, and am currently working on two more. What sort of projects have I done? Here is a short list of my completed projects:
-Ghostwriting an 11 page article on the past seasons of “24”
-Wrote 6 short reviews on various Facebook applications
-Ghostwriting 15 articles on Astrology signs and compatibility
-Wrote a short review on an Itunes application
-Read a book and posted a review on Amazon
-Created a database for a cruise line
-Created a database for a website, stating hits and financials
-Posted a real estate listing to Craigslist
-Edited two articles regarding a company’s software program

Fairly simple projects, some requiring more work than others. I’m excited for the opportunities this will lead too. As I gain more experience with my writing, I am able to build a stronger portfolio and charge a higher rate for my projects. I am waiting for the day I turn my writing into a full blown career. At this time, I am polishing up my writing skills and getting in as much practice as I can. I hope to leave my job soon and spend my days as a writer. I look forward to all the adventures this will lead to, and all the future blogs I will force myself to write.

Moving Toward Financial Freedom

2009-01-30T14:59:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I made a financial and emotional decision. I decided to move in with Kevin which would save me about $800 per month. Since living there, I have made many large payments on bills that have been dying for some attention. Today, my efforts and decision has paid off. Today I was able to make a large payment and pay off my car. I officially have bought my first car, fully paid for and everything. The last time I purchased a car, I killed it and still owed $4000 on it, which I have never paid. This is proud moment in my life and I feel like I have made a great accomplishment. Things are looking up for me. I also called my insurance company had dropped from full coverage to just liability, that dropped me from $150 to $63 per month. Quite the savings in my pocket, if you ask me.

I have one more large bill I am paying on, which has a balance of $650. I will take care of that one, with my next paycheck and then I will be debt free. Just sitting back and thinking of all that I can do once I have all this extra money, brings tears to my eyes. Actually, the part that brings tears to my eyes is knowing that in just a few months I can quit my job if I choose. I have been thinking about this for some time, and with my continued unhappiness with the work place, I have made a decision. Kevin and I have talked about it as well, and he is extremely supportive of me. I am would like to concentrate more on my writing, since that is what I enjoy doing. I think if I get a part-time job, closer to my new home in Woodinville, I will be able to spend the rest of the time on my writing. I have been doing projects found on www.rentacoder.com, which for the month of January has earned me $200. I am currently looking for some more freelance websites and hope to build a strong portfolio of my projects. I do find that I enjoy writing and I think I have some talent. I will write more about my freelance writing in a later blog post.

Thanks to Kevin, I am getting out of debt and I am finally able to focus on the things in life that I have always wanted. I look forward to traveling more and, of course, blogging about these adventures. I really feel I am finally in a place in my life that is very satisfying. I don’t regret my past experiences, and everything I have ever done has lead me to this exact place. I have learned many things, made countless mistakes, and got myself way in over my head time and time again. I continue to move forward and I am ready for the next chapter to begin.

My Child Advocate Rant

2009-01-28T11:58:00.000-08:00

We have programs for saving the earth, saving the whales, saving the gorillas, saving the Rain Forests, and saving some exotic plant in Antarctica no one has ever heard of. Animals and plants, that probably could care less, have all these rights attributed to them. Animals also have PETA to protect and speak for them; give them a voice for things they have no idea about. Children, on the other hand, have no rights at all and no one willing to fight for them. Children in America have voices and they know exactly what they want, but no one is fighting for them and no one is listening to them.

Babies do not speak, yet they are able to tell their parents exactly what they want. Change me, feed me, hold me, or let me sleep are all examples of things babies want and they are able to express it with tears. Parents listen to those cries and give their child what they want, because as parents it is their job to meet their babies needs. As the child grows up, they learn words and start asking for things in a language we can all understand. The point here is that even as babies, kids know what they want. Why is it so easy to understand a baby who can’t speak, and not understand a child who speaks clearly? It seems a broken system when the more a child speaks; the less likely we are to listen. Kids know what they want for the most part, of course they don’t get everything they want, but giving your child the best childhood they deserve should be top priority.

Child are the future, they are the ones who will be in charge when we are older. Everyone likes to blame the decay of the nation on disrespectful teenagers, but the reality is how we treat our children today dictates how they will act in the future. If you do not show a child respect, how can you expect them to know what that even means? If you do not listen to your child, how will they learn to speak their mind instead of acting out? Acting out happens when there is a huge breakdown in communication; it is forcing the parent to listen when nothing else works.
We live in a society where children are viewed as property. We all whine and complain about racism, sexism, and every other –ism there is, but the only people without real rights are children. They have a voice, they can always be counted to tell things like they are. If all these things are true, why is it that when they voice an opinion about the real issues we suddenly shut them down? I know plenty of children who can tell you exactly what they want and why they want it, in most cases stating their thoughts in better terms than adults.

The point of this whole blog is for me to air my grievance with society and certain so called “parents.” Listen to your children, listen to what they want, and do your job by doing everything in your power to give them happiness. Sometimes, you will have to sacrifice your own happiness for your children, but that’s what it means to be a parent. For all the kids out there fighting to be heard, speak loud and speak often, never give up, and never let them take away your spirit.

My Latest 'Kevin' Adventure

2008-12-28T00:38:00.000-08:00

My Kevin is my biggest adventure yet, everyday with him is something new and different. There are some days when nothing notable happens. Then, there are days like Friday where I start out shaking my head and rolling my eyes, but end up laughing hard.

Over the past week, we have a an enormous amount of snowfall in the area (about 2 feet to be exact). Finally on Friday, the snow began to melt and the roads began to clear up a bit. However, there was still a bit of snow and ice on the side roads and in parking lots. The snow plows had been extremely busy and therefore snow piles were everywhere as well.

Kevin and I took a trip out to the Home Depot to pick out a new glass stove top. Side note: we have driven everywhere this last week in a 1987 Suzuki Samurai due to the snow, seems it is the only reliable car. So, we took the Sami to the Depot and my adventurous Kevin thought it would be awesome to park on a huge snow hill. He drove at it full speed and stopped perched atop a small snow hill. I was a bit annoyed at first because I didn’t have any boots and where he parked was surrounded by water. He was super proud of himself and had me take some pictures of the event.

We then went shopping in the store for about half an hour. When we came back out, it had started to rain. Kevin went to get the car and was going to pick me up by the front door. I grabbed his camera and said “no way, someone has to document this!” He went for the car and I took some awesome pictures of his attempts to rock the Sami out of its now stuck-on-the-snow-hill position. I tried to hold back my laughter as he struggled to get the car on solid ground. Finally, he climbed out of the car and sadly declared defeat with a pathetic “I think I’m stuck.”

Luckily, he had a car kit in the back with a tow rope in it. He attached the rope to the front of the car and waited for someone to come to our rescue. Help arrived in the form of a good Samaritan with a hitch on the back of a large truck. The kind gentleman pulled the Sami out with no problem. He didn’t even belittle Kevin or think it was strange that he was on a snow hill to start with. Actually, I think when Kevin said, “I think I had a little too much fun,” the guy just shrugged and replied, “that happens.” He was neat.

Kevin was in good spirits the whole time; he was laughing and having fun with it. That’s what is so great about this guy, he is adventurous and even when things don’t quite turn out the way he plans…he is able to laugh at himself. He is an awesome adventure and there are very little dull moments when I am with him. I never know what to expect, but we always end up laughing. I hope to have many more wild adventures with him.

Kitchen Project

2008-12-27T23:48:00.000-08:00

I love projects, they make me happy. I love the challenge of starting something new, making changes, and being proud of the finished product. Home improvement projects are some of the best, because you are taking something you don’t like and figuring out how to make it better. Picking out colors, tiles, carpets, appliances, and so on can be a lot of hassle or a lot of fun.

I have never had a house before, but whenever I go to other people’s homes, I am always thinking of things I would do differently. I now have a Kevin, who owns a home, which needs a lot of work and I’m not afraid to tell him. He is a great guy and knows his home needs some work, but he needs a little motivation…which is where I come in. I have already re-organized most of the house so that it is more “user friendly”.

Our latest adventure actually started when Kevin blew out one of the switches on his stovetop. From there we decided if we were going to buy a new stove top we should upgrade to a nice glass stove top. Since the whole kitchen is circa 1970, we decided we should upgrade the rest of room as well. We have to start small because home improvements cost money. All the doors and cabinets in the kitchen are a very ugly yellowish-greenish color, and that needs to go first.

We started small with the just the island where the glass stove top would be going. We spent the day removing all the doors and drawers from the island and painting them. First, we sanded them all down and cleaned up all the years of crap that was gooped on them. Next, we gave them a primer coat of Killz to cover up the old paint and muck we didn’t get to come off. Finally, when the Killz dried we added one coat of white paint. The difference was shocking when we looked from the completed island to the old yellowy cabinets along the wall. The white really brightens up the kitchen and we have only done a small portion.

It was a very productive day for us and we have only just begun. Kevin plans on re-doing all the counter tops with black granite tile and the floors with hardwood. We still have to do the rest of the cabinets in the kitchen so that they all match. It’s a large project, but I can’t wait to see the full finished result, it will look amazing.

If you would like to see more pictures and/or follow our progression click on the link and prepare to be amazed.
More Pictures

Organized Guru

2008-12-22T19:12:00.000-08:00

I have a slight obsession with organization and cleaning. I first started hanging out with the Miller clan, by that I mean, Kevin and his roommates. When I first starting coming around this house, which is run by three bachelors by the way, I walked into the kitchen and almost had a heart attack. Junk drawers everywhere, food in awkward places, cans and all the food anywhere it could fit. It was too much for me, so I asked in my nicest voice if I could re-organize the kitchen. Kevin sort of shrugged his shoulders and gave me a strange look and said "go for it." Little did he know what I meant by organize.

I took everything out of the cabinets and put it on the counter. Next, I wiped all the shelves down, they were looking a little worse for wear. Then, I started grouping all the can foods together. For instance, I put all the vegetables like corn, beans, and olives together. I put all the soups together, all the rice together, all the box foods together, and all the pasta items together. It was pretty brilliant and made it so much easier to find things.

Kevin was so amazed he declared a week of a "cabinet diet", which basically meant we would only eat meals from food from the cabinets. It went over pretty well and got rid of a lot of the canned foods that had been sitting around idle for months. All in all it was a pretty successful overhaul.

I got a little bit of crap from everyone, declaring I was a little insane and obsessive compulsive. In the end, I think I made everyone's life a little easier and made the food more accessible and easy to find. I love that kind of stuff. I wonder if they have jobs out there were you just organized people and make money doing it.

Let it snow.

2008-12-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

Interesting weather we are having in Washington State this past week, snow. Famously known as the ‘rainy’ state, we are being dumped on in a whole new way…snow and lots of it. It all started late Wednesday night, December 17, the snow came down and covered our entire state in a blanket of white. Many people have been left stranded in their homes, unable to even get the cars out of the driveways. This is the strangest weather we have had in a long time; I don’t remember the last time it snowed so hard here. I measured this morning and we were up to six inches, but now its coming down hard for round three. I seem to have lost my car somewhere out there in the snow,

and its slowly creeping up our front porch steps.

Will we have a white Christmas this year? It would be the first in a very long time, I remember one slightly white Christmas when I was younger early 1990s or so. I have been getting a little restless from being all couped up in the house. I need to search around from snow gear and then go outside and sled or build snowmen or something. Being stuck inside is never a good thing. I haven’t been to work since the snow started and its beginning to look like I won’t be going back until after Christmas if this snow keeps up.

Making Changes

2008-12-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

I am trying to expand my horizons once again, and I'm using that line a lot for some reason. Anyway, so I am trying to get into writing and maybe even doing it as a full time gig, which would be my heart's desire. I have been looking at some sites where I can write and get paid to do it. It may not be not be very much at first, but if I can improve my writing skills, that is a good start for me.

I have also enrolled in some writing classes that start Winter quarter. I'm pretty excited about those as well. I'm taking a basics grammar class, a fiction writing class, and a mystery writing class. They should all be entertaining and teach me better writing skills.

I'm trying to work more on my novel too. It is about half-way done and if I would just commit to working on it an hour or so a day, I could finish it. I could finish the rough draft anyway, and then work on the editing process.

All in all I'm pretty excited about where writing can take me. Its something that I always wanted to do and always loved to do, but didn't have the time while working full time. If I could get paid to write, then it could become my full time job, and I would be more motivated to write my stories. I'm looking forward to all the things to come in the New Year.

Epiphany

2008-12-15T18:50:00.001-08:00

I know in my last blog I moaned and cried a lot about my job, and yet I'm still here working the same thing. My fault, I need to expand my horizens and get out there more. I have to spend 40 hours a week of my life here, so I might as well be doing something I like right?

So, I had an epiphany while looking on Craigslist for jobs. I don't think I like being a counselor because I'm a results person. I like to be presented with a problem, then come up with solutions, and then solve the problem and move on. With people, things take time and you may never see results or they may take months or years. That isn't good enough for me. I like things a little more instant and I like knowing that my hard work pays off. I don't like the odds in this field, most of these people don't care enough and I feel like I am wasting my time and energy.

So, my problem: I'm a results, problem-solving girl. Counseling=lots of problems and no way that I can be assured I will ever solve them.

Every other area of my life is awesome and I'm actually quite happy these days. I had a small bump where I let the job get the best of me, but I have an awesome support network and a man who loves me, and a rocking family. Things are looking up and I'm going to be happy, but I'm not going to be happy doing something I don't like.

Ho-Hum (huge sigh)

2008-12-09T15:51:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that when you are unhappy with one part of your life it brings your whole attitude down? Well, that is the story of my life right now, my happiness seems to have drained away to….some tropical island without me. I hate feeling miserable, I hate feeling like I just want to cry, and I hate feeling helpless to do anything about it. My current problem…the job. I know it sounds lame and pathetic, but it’s a huge part of my life and I hate it. Its where I spend most of my time, energy, and life…so it makes sense that one should like what they do right? And if one does not like what one does, they should change it so that they may feel some sort of joy again. My motto has always been “if you don’t like it change it”, easier said than done I guess. Its hard right now to just change, especially when I have no idea what I want to do. I just know it isn’t this.

I thought I wanted to be a counselor for a really long time, and it was all I wanted to do. Now, I’m doing it and I don’t like it at all. The people are great (well most of them), the job isn’t really that hard. It can be a huge strain emotionally sometimes and there is a lot of paperwork to be done, but it lacks the hard core challenge that I need to keep me going. I live for change and I live for challenges and I die with monotony and being reprimanded for stupid little things (like grammar errors or something). Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m really good at what I do, I just don’t love it, and if I don’t love it then I’m not happy.

This unhappiness leaks into the other areas of my life and I find it hard to fight the depression that comes with my discontent. I find it hard to find the joy in little things, like I use to, and I find I get annoyed and pissed off at stupid trivial things. This sort of ‘depression’ as I’m going to call it, pushes people away and I don’t mean to, but I just go around and around with myself as I struggle for some clarity. I feel like I’m on this internal quest, looking for something, and finding nothing.

It leads to a pissy, discontent, passive-aggressive attitude. I just have to struggle through and try my hardest to not hurt other people, while trying to figure myself out.
I don’t know how much longer I can stay here, but I’m not really sure what else to do. I’m too independent to rely on anyone else for my security with money and such, and I have to be able to support myself and pull my own weight.

I need to get some things paid off and that is the real hold-up for me. I would hate to quit this, try something else, and continue on this unsatisfied journey forever. There has to be something out there that will satisfy me and keep me happy. I’m not the kind of girl who can sit at home all day, everyday.

I know I will figure it out, but until I do this is my story and this is my attitude and I’m sorry if I hurt anyone, I don’t mean to. I tend to go inside myself for answers and it makes me a little unavailable on the outside and enthused about things I would normally be enthused about. I will work on it and try to be a normal human, but this is my inner struggle and I’m not excited to feel this way. It seems like I am in this negative place way to much.

10 lbs in 10 days

2008-12-04T14:57:00.000-08:00

The Holiday season is upon us and tis the season for Holiday parties and New Year's Resolutions. I'll wait for the resolution part until 11:30pm on Dec. 31. For now, I have a Holiday party to worry about. For the first time…well ever, I'm dating someone who actually has a Holiday party to attend. Kindly, he asked me to accompany him. Then, he added the PS: you will need to get a dress (yikes, what are those). First of, I don't think I've worn a dress in….I don't even know how long. Second, I had to find something that accentuated the parts I love and hide the parts I don't. Ladies, you know what I mean. Now, the Holiday party is less than 10 days out and I'm freaking out. I want to look really good in my dress and there are a few parts of me that I would love to get rid of. So, I sat down at the computer yesterday (during work of course) and googled the internet under the topic 'lose 10 pounds in 10 days'. If you know me at all, I'm picky and I have to be able to eat, so no fad diets and no starving myself. I finally found a good one, that is more like advice on how to lose weight fast. Here are the ten tips I was given:

1. When you wake up, exercise (to get your metabolism jump started, 15 mins is all it takes)

2. Always eat breakfast. (again with the metabolism stuff)

3. Snack. (small quantities all day, don't give your metabolism a chance to stop working)

4. Drink a lot of water.

5. Drink green tea. (Green tea speeds up your metabolism and helps you lose weight).

6. Don't eat after 6pm (this one is tough since I get off so late)

7. Exercise at night (this time for an hour or so)

8. Drink Apple Cider Vinegar before bedtime. (drink two tablespoons of ACV in half a cup of water) gross, but I'll try it.

9. Get at least seven hours sleep.

10. Increase exercise time on the weekends. (30 in the morning, 90 at night)

Of course, there is some stuff about eating healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables, cottage cheese, and nuts; instead of a bag of chips for your snack. So, that's the plan, I'll try it and see if I can't lose 10 pounds in 10 days. Actually, its more like 9 days now. I will keep a running log to keep those who might be interested posted.

East Coast Trip

2008-10-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

So, I’m on a plane to Baltimore and my first East Coast trip. I’m really excited and pumped about all the new adventures the week holds for me.

Kevin drove me to the airport this morning with a few pit stops along the way. We stopped at McDonald’s where they got his order wrong. Then, I stopped at work because I had a disk the boss needed this week. While at the office, I introduced the Admin and the PIC (partner in crime) to Kevin, I talk about him enough, it was time they met him. I will get their reactions upon my return.

Anyway, I got to the airport about an hour before my flight time. Security was a breeze, took about 2 mins. And then I was off. The boarding gate was A14, which is the newest terminal at SeaTac, and 14 is at the very end. I got a good 5 min. walk out of that deal, I probably needed the exercise, since I’m stuck on a plane the rest of the day. I then made a stop into one of those magazine kiosks and picked up the travel basics: Cosmo, word search, red vines, and animal crackers. As I waited for my flight to board, I called my mom (she’s been in Idaho visiting my sister), we chatted for a bit and she told me she had a good time.

The plane is pretty big, considering what I usually fly on. My longest trips have been 1-2 hours, this flight is 4 hours into Cincinnati, and then 2 more hours into Baltimore. Its one of those planes that has tvs in each seat. Pretty cool, I can watch movies, listen to music, play games, watch tv shows, or watch the progress of the plane. I’m watching a map of my journey right now. 2:13 left to go, not quite half-way there yet. -63 degrees outside, traveling 509 MPH, and we are currently over South Dakota, almost to Pierre. Its entertaining to say the least. Air is pretty turbulently right now, but not too bad. I have to pee and I’m in the window seat, which means I would have to squeeze pass the people next to me and then wobbly my way to the bathroom. I’ll hold it a bit longer, maybe I can make it all the way only two more hours. Okay, I’ll wait until the plane stops shaking all around. Good times.

So, that is my adventure so far. Oh, I saw some ice on the wing when I first sat down and snapped a photo of it. It was only a small patch, but I remember from my Northwest Airlines training that ice on the wings is the most common reason for plane crashes. I had to write it down and take a picture in case we crash and anyone wants to sue. Pretty sure that won’t happen, but I gotta watch out for everyone.

I’m gonna explore this TV gadet and see if I can’t find something entertaining to watch. If not, Kevin downloaded “Californication” and put it on my computer. I think I’m going to try and get some “Dexter” or “Weeds” while I’m at Kari’s house.

Dangerous Bathroom Adventure

2008-10-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

I decided I couldn’t hold it any longer, so I waited until the shaking was nearly finished. I had to wake up the people next to me to get out, even though I offered to just climb over and stick my bum in their face (which makes for a much more interesting plane ride). Anyway, I made my way shakily to the back of the plane. There was one other person waiting to use the lavatory. As I stood awkwardly in the aisle, the turbulences got really bad. I almost fell into the unlucky chick who chose back row aisle (bad choice chicky). Then, I almost fell the other way into some guy’s lap (still not sure if he would have minded or not). Either way, I made it safely into the bathroom and literally fell onto the toilet (its times like this I would advise the men to just sit and avoid spraying everywhere). The plane literally shook the pee right out of me, TMI-maybe, funny-definitely. I was laughing really hard as I peed, and no one to share that moment with, sad. Anyway, I had a very difficult time trying to get my pants back up, the plane was shaking that hard. I finally succeeded and safely emerged from the tiny bathroom. I stumbled back up to my seat, bumping a few aisle seaters on the way. Yes, folks and the journey has barely begun. This is gonna be a great trip.

Guns and Hiking

2008-10-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me, knows I love adventure and trying new things. I was shy when I was younger and never really tried things because I was scared. Now, I want to do everything and see everything and I'll try almost anything at least once.

Yesterday, Martin (Kev's roommate), went to the Gun show at the Puyallup Fair and bought himself a nice .45. Kev decided we needed to break his gun in down at the shooting range. I had never been to a shooting range, nor have I ever shot a gun. So, we loaded up and went to Redmond and the shooting range and it was quite an experience. The boys had a really good time, we went through 2 boxes of ammo. By we, I mean the boys. I shot the gun twice. The first time Kevin held the gun with me, to show me how it was done and to show me that you have to hold it tight because of the recoil. Then I shot it solo, it was loud and the recoil pulls the gun up. It was only a little scary, it would have been more scary had Kevin not helped me the first time. He is a good teacher. I only took two shots and then I gave it back to the boys. They were way more into it and I didn't want to take their joy away. I had a good time, it was a fun, new experience. They told me next time they will bring the smaller .22 for me to use as it is lighter and would be easier for me to handle.

Today, Kevin and I decided we needed to get out of the house for awhile and get some fresh air. We wanted to take a hike somewhere and Martin suggested we go to Rattlesnake Ridge in the Central Cascades. We drove out there, it took about 30-45 mins, and went to Rattlesnake Lake. The lake was absolutely gorgeous and surprisingly peaceful, not many people were out there when we first got there. We walked out by the lake for a bit and then found the hiking trail. We made it about half-way up, then my knee started acting up and Kev's hip was hurting him. I know we are such an old, broken, couple...its cute. We came back down before getting to the top, but we did at least a good two miles or so. It was very refreshing and we talked about a lot of stuff. Then, we walked along the river again for awhile, climbed on some rocks and talked some more. I was really thirsty from the walk, so I drank so water from the lake..it was really good tasting. After that, we headed home, making a pit stop in North Bend for some food and gas.

Overall, the weekend has been good. I got to get outside a little and spend some quality time with the boyfriend. Each time we hang out, we get to know a little more about each other. We have really good communication which leads to a really good relationship.

Date Night

2008-10-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

Monday is my day off, so my guy decided that when he got off work he needed to take me out on a date. Granted we have only been dating for two months, but we spend a lot of time in the house watching t.v. due to work schedules and such. He told me dinner and a movie would be fun. Since he was working, I decided to plan some things that would be fun. I’m not familiar with the Woodinville area, but I wanted to go somewhere near water.

First, I map quested the area and looked for parks near the water. Kevin likes to be walked, so I thought we could start out with a walk in the park near the water. I came up with Waverly Beach Park in Kirkland. Near the park are tons of restaurants, so I gave him some options and we ended up just picking something during our walk. Then, I sent him movie times so we could plan when we needed to be back near Woodinville.

It turned out to be a really fun night; we always have a great time together and laugh a lot. We went down to the waterfront and walked around for a bit. We helped a couple bring their boat into the dock, which was highly entertaining. The guy came to close to the dock at first and hit it with the front end the boat, while the back end was sticking way out into the water. Then, instead of hitting it into reverse, he punched the gas and rammed the boat into the dock. Finally, he got it going the correct way, backed it up and brought it in perfectly lined up with the dock. We walked away from that chuckling, trying to decide if he was drunk or just an amateur boat owner. Next, we walked up the road a little bit and down a small road lined with really nice house. We talked about the different houses, which ones were cool and which ones were a bit too much. Then, we walked around the shops and restaurants and finally decided on pizza, it smelled so good. We went to Zeke’s, had some good conversations and some good laughs. After dinner, we came back to Woodinville and went to see “Burn After Reading”. It was an okay movie, not great but not too bad either.

All in all it was a fun night out. I’m still amazed at how well we get along, how much we have in common, and how much we always end up laughing. Kevin is one of the easiest people to talk to and I can share anything with him. He always treats me with respect and does little things to show he cares. It is a pretty good relationship and I hope we have many more date nights.

My Mom

2008-09-29T14:41:00.001-07:00

My mom cracks me up, she often does things without thinking and can be a little airheaded. I love it, always entertaining when she is around.

Yesterday, she put together a roast for dinner after church. She put it in the oven and turned it on so it would cook. Then, she decided we would just go out to eat. So she takes the roast out of the oven, turns it off, and puts the roast in the refrigerator. Then, my dad talks her into making Roast Beef sandwiches with Au jus, so she takes the roast back out of the refrigerator and back into the oven. She has a meeting after church, so she tells my dad to go to the store after church and get the bread.

I showed up at the house about ten minutes before they got back from church. My dad walks in and asks if I checked on the roast. I look at him like ‘I have no idea what you are saying’. He goes to the oven and pulls out the roast. The pan is warm, but the roast is still bleeding. He asks my opinion of the roast, I say “I think it may still be alive and of course it helps to turn on the oven when cooking things.” My dad shakes his head, sticks the roast back in, and turns on the oven.

About 15 mins later, my mom walks in curious as to why my dad didn’t go pick up bread. He says to her, “You forgot to turn the oven back on”. She starts laughing because it would have been cooking for about 3 hours at this point. She says “okay we are going out then.” My dad tells her the roast has been in the oven for about 15 minutes. From there we have the following conversation:

Mom says: Hurry up and decide where we are going?
Me: why, do you have somewhere you need to be?
Mom; I need to be back in an hour.
Me: Why are you going somewhere in an hour?
Mom: No, I don't want to burn the roast.
Me: Why don't you just turn the oven off?

Everyone laughs, including my mom and she finishes with “You are so smart.”

That was one of the highlights of my Sunday.

Starting the Dream

2008-09-27T22:37:00.000-07:00

Here goes the first blog post, always scary. I have decided, for quite some time now, that I wanted to be a writer. I am in the process of writing a few books; however, I get about half-way done with each one and then stop. Call it writer's block, call it fear, call it lazy, but none of them seem to get done. Solution: start writing each day. Doesn't matter what I write, as I long as I can be dedicated to writing at least 20-30 minutes each day. I'll start small, 5-10 minutes a day. Posting blogs is a great way to write.

The introduction:

I'm a counselor at an alcohol and drug treatment agency. I like what I do, but I hate what I do. I get bored easily and have a short attention span. I love the outdoors and I love the indoors. I'm interested in all sorts of things and I have an endless span of useless trivia. I have a lot of strange things and thoughts happening to me each day, which I will gladly share. I'm a career college student and have lots of advice in that area.

I pretty much will write about anything and everything that is going on at any given moment. My blogs will be happy, sad, funny, confusing, and maybe even helpful. Once I get this blog going for awhile, I may try one of those pay per post sites and see how that works out. For now, this is my writing assignment to myself. As the saying goes: "Practice makes perfect".